As an atheist, putting my hand on the Bible and saying an oath before testifying to a court is less likely to get me to tell the truth than a pinkey promise
When my parents were fighting for custody, I was old enough to have a say, so they put me under oath to assure I was being honest with my feelings. Using my best serious face, knowing what was coming, when offered the bible to swear on, I requested to swear on the secretary’s hole punch, “because it’s far more honest. It says it’s going to punch a hole, and it does, best God I’ve seen today.” My mom buried her face in her hands, my dad sighed and rubbed his forehead. The judge almost choked on his water before telling the bailiff “find this young lady a hole punch!”
San Jose councilman
Lan Diep sworn into office with his Captain America Shield
Nothing tops @dril’s “face god and walk backwards into hell” in terms of iconic phrases with absurd sources, but @clickholeofficial recently gave us “don’t squander this opportunity! God may have closed a door, but what that stupid motherfucker hasn’t realized is that he left a window open for you to wriggle right through!” And damn if that isn’t the most motivational thing I’ve read all week.
I May or May Not be Steve Rogers 