moonshoes-potter:

thealogie:

imagine being at a class reunion like, yeah remember hot tom? i heard he made all of his friends get ugly matching skull tattoos and call him a really ugly french name and also I heard his nose is gone. weird.

I didn’t realize this was about harry potter for a second

the sorcerer’s stone: dudley asking harry if he wants to practice sticking his head down the toilet and harry replying “no thanks, the poor toilet’s never had anything as horrible as your head down it – it might be sick” like ooo!!! sick burn!!! good for an 11 year old but overall still in the developmental stage. 6/10
the chamber of secrets: dudley (once again lmao get rekt) telling harry “i know what day it is” and harry replying “well done, so you’ve finally learned the days of the week.” lockhart trying to be all Amazing Teacher™ and shit and telling harry “just do what i did, harry!” and harry saying “what, drop my wand?” overall good but not with as much of an Oomph™ factor as the sorcerer’s stone. 5/10
the prisoner of azkaban: ah yes!!! Harry’s Sass™ in its adolescent years!!!! no longer a toddler, now solidly about 11 years old. draco making fun of harry for fainting at the quidditch game bc of the dementors and saying “shame [the broom] doesn’t come with a parachute – in case you get too near a dementor.” and harry replying “pity you can’t attach an extra arm to yours, malfoy. then it could catch the snitch for you.” 8/10 purely because he fucking MURDERED whiny bitch ass baby malfoy ha ha take that
the goblet of fire: a good amount of sass!! a healthy amount of sass! perhaps a bit held back though (come on harry get it together). rita skeeter annoying harry and asking for a word and jk rowling LITERALLY writing “‘yeah, you can have a word,’ said harry savagely. ‘good-bye'” like FUCK he is canon savage in this book!!!! DAMN!!!!! and then he reks malfoy AGAIN “you know that expression [your mother’s got], like she’s got dung under her nose? has she always looked like that, or was it just because you were with her?” MOTHERFUCK GO OFF 9/10
the order of the phoenix: HOLY GRAIL OF HARRY’S SASS™. THE MOTHERLOAD. GOD DAMN. when vernon asks him why he’s listening to the news again and harry replies w/ “well, it changes every day, you see.” when hermione’s warning him about picking fights w/ malfoy bc malfoy will make life hard for him and harry’s like “wow, i wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life” like fuck harry!!! tell us how u really feel!!!! literally ANY TIME he talks to an adult he doesn’t like. sassing dudley left & right, putting him in his place w/ “this is night, diddykins. that’s what we call it when it goes all dark like this” like fuck harry brought out the big guns w/ “diddykins”. overall wonderful, truly. a good healthy teenage dose of sass. 100/10
the half blood prince: SHIT DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING EXCEPT “THERE’S NO NEED TO CALL ME SIR, PROFESSOR” LIKE FUCK. BEST PART OF THE WHOLE BOOK. OF THE WHOLE SERIES. FUCKING OWNED SNAPE HE’S FUCKIN REKT LYING ON THE FLOOR CRYING DRINKING SOME CHEAP ASS DISGUSTING ASS FIREWHISKEY. BREAKS THE GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING SCALE SO FAR OFF THE SCALE IT’S ON MARS. INFINITY/10. FUCK.
the deathly hallows: “it’s time you learned some respect!” “it’s time you earned it” sassing the minister of magic hooooooo boy. not much else bc harry’s too busy like saving the world and shit. so extra points for multitasking and being an overall well rounded sass-er. 8/10

elvendork:

sometimesophie:

prettyarbitrary:

cryptvokeeper:

chambergambit:

I have always imagined the American magical community in Harry Potter to be significantly less… structured than that of Britain. America is just so big, and the states can be so different, and history is so fucked up and complicated that a whole secret society with a completely separate government and people who’re totally clueless about the muggle world just makes no sense to me.

American wix participate in general elections and watch tv and their kids go to muggle school during the day and learn magic at home or in after-school programs and play quidditch and football and only your great grandma has owls while everyone else just has a phone and generally don’t obliviate muggles who see magic shit bc lol who’s gonna believe them anyway.

And European wix haaaate dealing with them bc they won’t do things the Proper Magical Way they just do whatever the fuck they want bc AMERICA FUCK YEAH.

*eagle noises*

I am here for this

And then you’ve got the Pennsylvania Dutch and Native American nations and New Orleans and other areas where large swathes of the population are like, “Well duh there’s magic. Hugh down at the end of the street lays hexes on my vegetable garden for the kids who keep trying to steal them and I give him a bag of tomatoes every month.”

#like it’s not offensive in the same way#but it’s patently obvious JKR doesn’t understand American or its history at all#and yeah#no way would american magic-users consent to that kind of structure

@monstermoonshine and i once talked about this extensively and decided that the american wizarding government should be called FBOM, the federal bureau of magic, with the O left in for Humor Purposes