a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

I was gonna take a funny picture of me squatting next to my mother’s mausoleum plaque in these great sunglass I bought, but there’s a mourning family like ten feet away and I’m pretty sure they already heard me say, “Whatcha’ been up to, you dusty old slut?” when I walked in, so I decided to behave like a person for two minutes. Happy Mother’s Day.

badly-exported-pixel:

tuhmblr-logic:

auncyen:

missjonesie99:

videohall:

News Anchor in my area loses it over a Fat Cat that likes to swim.

I don’t know what’s funnier, how she said physical activities or the snort.

I love how she gradually loses it. She gives it her best try and then you can just hear where her composure starts breaking down.

i always lose it when her voice trips into the fifth dimension as she says physical activities 

This made my day so much fucking better

gluten-free-pussy:

gluten-free-pussy:

When I was 16-19 I worked as a hostess/parking lot attendant at a funeral home and my boss told me (and I quote) “you get a friends and family discount but once you quit you won’t get it anymore so make sure you use it.” And to this day nothing has ever been funnier to me

A week after I got the job I accidentally spilled someone’s ashes on myself and my manager told me not to worry about it because they had spare ashes in the back room

gayvian:

snakegay:

snakegay:

2018 lets bring back fanfic authors interruptng their own stories to have conversations with the characters

Ronald blushed under his clown makeup.

“Y-You like me?”

—————————————

me: squeeeeeeeee!!! here it comes! x3

ronald mcdonald: sh-shut up! >_<

burger king: o___0

—————————————

“Yes Ronald, it has always been you…” Burger King said.

im going to personally kick your ass