deansinkdbitch:

WARNING: MENTION OF SELF HARM HERE AND THIS IS GONNA BE A LOOOOOONG POST!

So I met my hero today. Hawkeye himself: Jeremy Renner. 

As you may or may not have noticed by my last couple of posts, i’ve really been struggling with my depression and anxiety and the thought of having this photo op at LFCC this weekend for the last 2-3 weeks, has stopped me from self harming in the sense of bashing my skull and knuckles against a wall until i’m black and blue and bleeding. 
Yes, I’ve been THAT low that apart from my mom, no one has known i’ve been quite to that point again. Yet this man right here unknowingly has stopped me from sinking so far down and becoming am empty shell of the person i’ve worked so damn hard to become. 

So I went into my photo op desperately trying not to cry and just quickly saying “Hi, can I get a protective hug from you because i’m really struggling with some hard times” and he replied with “Sure! Come here, i’ve got you! i’ve got you!” in the most endearing and loving way, i’ve haven’t heard from someone in a long time. Before i could even get my arms round him, he pulled me into this tight embrace and my arm was literally pinned against his chest. After he pulled away “okay?” to which i just nodded “yes” quietly and said thank you before leaving. He even checked that I was okay before turning to my friend behind me to greet her. 

THEN hours later, I go to his autograph session. HE FRIGGING REMEMBERS ME! He greets me with a huge smile saying “hey again! how are you? Are you enjoying today?” i reply with yes and that meeting him means more to me than he could ever realise. I tell him the reason for needing to feel protected in the photo session was because i’ve felt like giving up on everything. I’ve practically lost a dear friend and had so much go against me. The only reason for sinking to self harm was the thought of meeting him. I didnt wanna be black and blue in front of him. By this time I was on verge of tears, and he GRABBED MY HAND SQUEEZING IT refusing to let go of me. He told me to keep remembering to breathe, and i’ll be okay. he knows whats its like to feel the way I am now. That remembering to just breathe each day is what helped him and will help me. 

He only let go when he felt i was okay to leave. No one in the queue rushed him, nor did his security team. He didn’t make me feel like I was taking too much time, and just kept things slow and calm for me. Jeremy Renner is a fucking hero.  So those who slag him off calling him every mean thing under the sun or slag off his role as Hawkeye, please PLEASE stop. He is NOTHING like you think and the sweetest person i’ve come to meet other than Jensen Ackles. Jeremy is my rock and hero and I owe him my sanity and health. This is why this post is damn long. I want people to see that that negative assumption you all have of him is totally wrong.  He is my SAVIOUR! 
Jeremy Renner needs more respect and love. Thats where i’m gonna end this post.